Saturday, April 14, 2012

Your Guide To The Egyptian Elections

Update: 3 candidates from the below list were disqualified: Omar Soliman, Shater, Hazem Abu Ismael. They have 48 hours to appeal the decision of the Elections High Comission.

Below is your guide to the candidates in the upcoming presidential elections:

Abdel Moniem Aboul Fotouh: you’ll vote for him if you’re looking for a go between between political Islam and liberalism. You’ll give him your vote if you respect the bold stands he took vis a vis SCAF and the MB during the past year. Aboul Fotouh stood by Tahrir against SCAF when it was unpopular to do so and when the MB were busy forging deals and “understandings” with the army generals.

It is not clear how Aboul Fotouh really stands on social issues, he never gave a clear cut answer as to how he will implement religious laws or his relationship with the MB if he became president. Nevertheless, his comforting rhetoric managed to increase his popularity among university students, the middle class and surprisingly among certain middle class Christians.

Omar Soliman: you’ll vote for him if you think he can restore security and curtail the increasing power of the Islamists. You’re willing to disregard the fact that he was Mubarak’s vice and was involved in the CIA’s rendition plan in order to vote for someone whom you think will bring back Egypt back to normality. You’re not pro or anti the revolution. You just want to live in peace and hand the presidency to someone whom you think knows how to run it.

Even if you voted for the MB and Salafis during the parliament elections, you might consider Omar Soliman if you are not so obsessed about the necessity of involving religion in politics. During the parliament elections, you voted for those you know and believe can deliver if they were elected to the parliament. You will follow the same rule next May and vote for the guy you know best and think can be the “strong president” you believe Egypt needs.

Hazem Abu Ismael (if he was allowed to run): Abu Ismael’s rise to prominence is one thing that I just do not understand till now. I remember when he used to call for protests in Tahrir, he could barely amass a crowd of 2000. How he ascended to be one of Egypt’s most popular men in a month is something that have to be studied.

You’ll vote for him because you adhere to his radical interpretation of religious law. You simply believe that God would be happier if he found Egypt to be a second Kabul. You somehow brought what Abu Ismael says during his mosque sermons in spite of the fact that he said Pepsi means “Pay Every Penny to Save Israel” and believes Bill Clinton was the US president who ratified the Camp David agreement. You think the US is busy setting up a conspiracy against the guy despite the fact that his mother, sister and brother are US citizens living in hottie Santa Monica.

Amr Moussa: he is the experienced diplomat whom Mubarak persecuted because of his popularity. You’ll vote for him because, like Omar Soliman, he’s the guy you know, and as we say in Egypt: what you know is better than what you don’t know.

Amr Moussa wears nice suits, he is an eloquent speaker and he just looks presidential.

Ahmed Shafik: you will vote for him because you like Terminal 3 in Cairo airport.

Khaled Ali: if you’re voting for Khaled Ali, then you’re most probably a leftist and part of the Tahrir protest movement. You are a revolutionary who see in Khaled Ali a dream of having a young president who represents the revolution and its values. If you are a revolutionary and will not vote for Khaled Ali, then most probably you’re either boycotting the elections or voting for Abdel Moniem Aboul Fotouh.

Khairat El Shater: you will vote for Shater because you obey what the Muslim Brotherhood’s supreme guide says. Period.

Mohamed Moursy: Mohamed Moursy is Khairat El Shater’s substitute if the latter was disqualified because of a legal implication. Yet before voting for Moursy you would also get your order from the MB supreme guide to do so.

Hamdeen Sabahy: you’ll vote for Sabahy if you’re a Nasserite (adherent to Nasser’s ideology) and like what he says on the talk shows.

Selim el Awa: you’ll vote for Awa only if you’re a jerk and an a*s h*le.

  Posted by BP at 4:13 pm Comments (3)

3 Comments »

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